Unhealthy? I think not.
Hello, people of America. I know many of you are confused by this. Free McFlurries may seem frivolous to some, but to me, there is nothing more important than Americans' mental health. Most people think that McFlurries are unhealthy. I argue that they ARE healthy. McFlurries bring happiness to all, young and old, and your mental health is one of the most essential parts of your overall health. I reject the standard that America's diet culture has put onto Americans, where food with lower calories has more "value" than those that will leave you full, satisfied, and happy. As a body-positive candidate, I believe that food should be judged not on what it lacks but what it gives. While McFlurries may not lack calories, it is a good source of iron, magnesium, vitamin B-12, vitamin A, protein, potassium, and happiness.
"Happy people don't shoot their husbands."
Not only are Federally funded McFlurries going to make America healthier, but they will also reduce the number of shootings happening today. As Elle Woods says in the world-renowned film "Legally Blonde," "happy people don't shoot their husbands." A new report by Lara Shwecherl looks at the importance of sugars and chocolates, "Processed sugar also increases endorphins that can boost mood and provide a temporary chemical' high. "Also, sugar may not be the only substance to lift our spirits— one study found a bit of chocolate makes people more willing to help others." By increasing our intake of sugar and chocolate, there will be a rise in our communities' happiness and caring for each other. McFlurries will also fill the hands of those planning to commit gun violence. McFlurries famously fill up two hands, one holding the cup and one spoon. It is IMPOSSIBLE to use a gun while eating a McFlurry. Thank you, and have a thriving Thursday.
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